On the complexity of Father’s Day Sentiments in The Black Community

My dad is dope.
My fiancé is dope.
My son’s biological father was NOT.
My brother is dope.
His sperm donor is the worst case scenario when things don’t work out with your spouse and you have a child together.
My mama tried her damnedest.
Not even to hold him accountable but just to allow him the space to come and go as he pleased so he never felt cast out and therefore she could never be to blame for his absence.
But he is absent.
And he always was.
Most of my friends have children now.
Some are married. 
Some are engaged. 
Some are single and trying not to strangle the fuck out of the fool they made a tiny human with cause that shit would be a very awkward conversation.
I got homegirls with no kids.
I got homegirls with no fathers.
I got homegirls who will be ‘daddy’s girls! Til their very last breath.
Let’s keep it funky.
Life is crazy and people will surprise you.
Sometimes it’s pleasant. 
Sometimes it’s a soul crushing let down.
I got lucky.
My mom and dad struggled through their personal shit and ultimately I was more important.
Everybody ain’t built like that.
I see my kids chromosomal predecessor in the street he better not speak to me unless the first words out his mouth are ‘my deepest apologies’ because abandoning a child is an unacceptable act.
I still might chin check that nigga.
The way I receive and perceive Fathers Day is a direct result of having experienced so many different versions of fatherhood or a lack thereof and my knowledge of so many people in so many different situations.
What good is a dad who’s ‘present’ but can’t accept your sexuality? 
What good is a dad whose ‘present’ but who won’t pick up the phone for you when his new wife is around?
We need to stop judging one another and start giving folks the space to interact with Father’s Day however they see fit.
Why spend Father’s Day bad mouthing ‘dead beats?’ They’re a non factor!
Why spend your day bad mouthing single mothers? Parenthood is a hard job and going it alone is that much harder! Why would celebrating ANY parent at ANY time be something to fight over? Isn’t mothers/ Father’s Day supposed to be ‘every day’ anyway?
There’s so much shade thrown even amidst the happiest of times in the black community.
We are so hard on each other.
So unloving.
So unwilling to share perspectives and allow others to live in THEIR truth.
I know I’m guilty of this too as much as I try to be open and honest and accepting. 
Had my last experience with love been my ex who knows how I’d cope with this holiday?
Maybe I’d be a proud single mom.
Maybe I’d be very resentful. (My choice not to use the word ‘bitter’ was very intentional. It’s like a dagger thrown at any black woman who chooses to communicate a negative romantic 

Experience with a black man.)
Regardless of what I was feeling and how I dealt with it, it would be my issue and I would be free to feel those feels and express them.
We don’t know how to disagree respectfully anymore and we do not listen to each other.
We have a specific inclination not to listen to BLACK WOMEN.
And that shit has to stop.
So I’m trying really hard not to argue with anyone today or even think any mean spirited thoughts.
I just want everyone to enjoy their Father’s Day.
Enjoy this Sunday.
Enjoy this LIFE.
And stop acting like your experiences and emotions are the only valid ones!


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